Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
