On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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