You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
