Barsexuality is the new black.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize