the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
