we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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