your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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