my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
