help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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