So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
