My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
