Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
