State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His hands were made for my vagina.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
