how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
where are my eyebrows?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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