Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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