Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You smell like stripper and shame
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
