Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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