Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
