I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel like abortions should bother me more
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
