her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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