does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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