Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize