I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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