Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
