I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize