I met the friendliest cop last night
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
