It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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