its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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