Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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