in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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