i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize