he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
