4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
