Dude my mom stole all your condoms
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
