So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
