I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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