Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
