Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
