I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
