I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
