i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
