wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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