He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
