She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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