we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He did a backflip because drugs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
