Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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