Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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