i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
