I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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