I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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