It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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