I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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