So drunk its hurt
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We're too hungover to prance.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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