Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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