Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
