Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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