the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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