He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
