i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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