new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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