It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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