like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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