After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
