There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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