I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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