Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
birth control should be required to get into college
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
