i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
