when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
