Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
