remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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