Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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