Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
